


And Still the Sun Rises

by non_tiembo_mala



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Grief/Mourning, Infinity War spoilers, M/M, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Rough Sex, Schmoop, infinity war fix-it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2018-04-30
Packaged: 2019-04-30 04:47:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14489136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/non_tiembo_mala/pseuds/non_tiembo_mala
Summary: Watching it happen is surreal. Everything Thanos does is a nightmare, but Thor has no time for grieving until it's done, until Thanos is finally defeated and they've made everything right -- everything but Thor's broken heart.





	And Still the Sun Rises

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jameee25](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jameee25/gifts).



> Okay. Okay. Where do I even start? At the absolute risk of launching into a full blown post-Infinity War dissertation. God, that film. 
> 
> IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT DO NOT PROCEED. SPOILERS ARE CONTAINED WITHIN, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
> 
> I knew as soon as it happened -- honestly, as soon as Loki spoke the words -- that I would have to write this. It's nothing. It's stupid, self-indulgent, plotless fluff that I needed to write in order to survive the ordeal that was Infinity War. I'm posting it because Tal said I had to, and I love her, and just maybe someone else needs this story, too.
> 
> I've never written Thor and Loki before, despite loving them deeply, so I hope they read okay. I know I'm late to this party.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it!

Thor knew in his heart that when they devised a plan to undo Thanos’ last deed, to reverse the timeline and bring everyone back, that while others rejoiced, he would not. Thor would finally find the time to mourn. 

His heart has never been so conflicted. To see Rogers take Barnes into his arms, to see the noble T’Challa standing tall, surrounded by his loyal warriors, Tony’s tears when the spider-boy  smiled back at him – he is elated. Overjoyed. And his heart would be full but for the gaping emptiness consuming it.

Indeed, Loki’s death was not of Thanos’ last act, not of those that would be undone. Nor was Gamora’s, and Thor shares a understanding look rife with pain as Quill understands she is not with him, and she never will be again.

Many times he and Loki have been parted by death in the past. Many times Thor has mourned him. 

It has never gotten easier, and somehow this time feels worse. 

He excuses himself from the celebrations around him. He is more weary than he can ever remember being, and more than just his body aches. Weighed down by grief, he would stagger under the crushing burden, but he makes himself wait to crumble until he is alone. 

He doesn’t even know where to go. Earth rejoices but it is not really his home, not now when he craves familiarity and comfort that only Loki represents, that only Asgard provides – the harsh reality that everything he’s ever loved is gone. 

In the end, T’Challa finds him. Thor isn’t sure how long he’s stood there at the water’s edge, lost. Apparently offering refuge is not new for Wakanda’s leader, and Thor humbly accepts it, allowing himself to be guided to a quiet place that can be just his own. 

Thor never even said, doesn’t know if T’Challa even knew Loki existed, but there’s something in the benevolent king’s eyes that tells Thor he understands. He takes his leave quickly and Thor is alone.

The flap of the tent settles after his departure and for a moment, there’s only silence. Then, a desperate, shaking gasp, and Thor unsteadily takes a knee as the first sob looses from his chest. The next is worse, cut short and ragged, and then both knees dig into the intricately woven rug floor covering, making tiny craters as all Thor’s other-worldly weight sinks down onto the earth.

He cries until his eyes are dry, all his tears spent, the tracks of them down his face, cutting pathways through the dirt and blood. He mourns his father, his home, his friends. He mourns his people, those he failed to protect, and he mourns Loki, for Loki’s sake and for his own, selfish desires. That if he could have kept just one part of Asgard as prize, it would have his been his brother. If he could have chosen just one person as companion in this new reality where Asgard is nothing more than legend, it would have been his brother. His lover. His constant. 

His eyes are dry, his heart hollow. His chest aches and he can barely stand for the totality of it all. With great effort, he brings himself to his feet and further still just to the edge of the bed. He strips himself of his armour mechanically, slowly for his tired hands, willing himself not to think of how easily Loki would have done it, in a blink of smoke, for his pleasure. He lies back against the fine cotton sheets, his head cushioned by soft, down-filled pillows, and shut his eyes. 

  


\---

  


It is a dream. 

Thor is on Asgard again, in a place he knows very well. Loki’s chambers.

His brother stands at the foot of his bed looking healthy and vital. His dark hair is soft and clean, littered with small braids and gold beads, his fine, slim form adorned with silken, emerald robes he wears loosely tied at his waist. A temptation. 

Thor’s relief is overwhelming. It makes its way throughout his body and exits as a gasp where he stands staring, transfixed.

Loki raises one quizzical eyebrow and grins like only he can.

It is a  _ very good _ dream. 

“It’s rude to stare, brother,” he chides, and it’s playful. He has put himself on display after all. It’s Thor’s attention he seeks, always.

“I wouldn’t want to disappoint you, Loki,” Thor means to tease but there’s a gravity holding down his voice, the too-fresh loss too much even in his dreams. 

“Come now,” Loki steps towards him, and though he is still playing, it betrays how deeply he understands. “You could never disappoint me.”   
  
Loki presses his palms to Thor’s stomach. At the moment of contact, Thor’s clothes vanish into the very air around them. Loki’s smile is salacious and smug. He slides one arm around Thor’s waist and the other down to cup his thickening cock.

“Not where it counts,” he continues with a wink, and gives Thor a squeeze. 

Thor growls, thoroughly playing into his brother’s ploy, allowing himself to be goaded. He grabs Loki as though he weighs nothing at all, lifts him up so that he must wrap his legs around him, and has to grab Thor’s shoulders to keep steady.

Thor walks them towards Loki’s bed, and meanwhile Loki laughs, low and satisfied, dragging the fingers of one hand across Thor’s scalp and down as though threading them through the long hair Thor no longer possesses. Thor tosses him down onto the sheets and not gently, but gentle is not what Loki wants – nor is it what Thor’s desperation will allow him to give. 

“Make them gone, brother,” Thor rumbles, and Loki simply grins slyly, only too pleased to comply. He stretches on the bed like a cat, arms long and reaching, his back arching as his robes seem to evaporate before Thor’s very eyes. His brother’s porcelain pale body is revealed, his own cock long and flushed full, lying against his belly. 

Thor hums his approval, and Loki sighs, then draws back his knees wantonly, exposing himself further, and Thor’s sounds turn hungry, thick with wanting. The pain of his real world loss spurs him dangerously, but it is just a dream, and one he needs fiercely now, in his moments most adrift in a grief for which there are no words. 

Thor is on him in the next instant, blanketing his brother’s body with his own and swallowing Loki’s delighted cackles with his lips. Loki, ever the instigator, his rival, a deceiver, submits in this and only this, for Thor. He goes pliant below him, lets Thor plunder his mouth with his tongue and rut against him savagely, moving wherever Thor will move him.

Nearly mad with need – to feel even this, dreamy echo of his brother, to have now in case no more such dreams may come – Thor reaches down between them, roughly seeking his brother’s hole, and pushes in dry with two thick fingers. Loki keens and sinks his nails into Thor’s shoulders, his head thrown back against the pillows, dropping Thor’s greedy mouth to his neck. He moans brokenly as Thor starts to work him open, shifting his hips fitfully as if torn between bearing down to take him in and keep him or to withdraw. Thor nips at the cords in his throat before replacing his teeth with his lips, kissing at his brother’s cool flesh and making it warm. 

“Thor,” Loki gasps, his voice shaky, and Thor loves that in these moments he can let himself believe what Loki shows him. 

“ _ Brother _ ,” Loki groans, writhing under Thor’s weight and at the thrust of his hand. 

“You will yield to me, Loki,” Thor whispers in his ear, if only because this dream may be his last chance to hear Loki say it.

“I do yield, I yield, brother, please,” Loki pants in a rush, and when he begs, Thor knows this is just a wish but his heart is in countless pieces, so a wish is all he gets. And if Loki can beg here, than perhaps Thor can beg also.

Thor is overcome. He withdraws his fingers quickly, making Loki hiss, but he does not heed it. He knees closer and pushes the swollen, leaking head of his cock to his brother’s entrance without hesitation. He sheathes himself inside the tight clutch of his brother’s body in one smooth movement, then starts into a wicked, pounding rhythm. Loki cries out and clings to him, long legs locked around Thor’s waist, his heels digging into Thor’s back as if to urge him on despite the way Thor seems determined to ruin him. 

“How could you,” Thor chokes out. “How could you take it, you selfish bastard. If only it’d been destroyed on Asgard, you might still be here. Just this once, if you could have–” he hesitates, the words tough to utter because he knows how ridiculous, how inevitable, how impossible anything else could be. “–if you could have not been so  _ you _ .” 

He snaps his hips harshly, using his own weight to pin Loki where he is in the bed lest each thrust send him away, and buries his face in Loki’s neck to hide the tears he didn’t think he had left.   
  
“I wouldn’t want to disappoint you, brother,” Loki answers, too quiet and too calm for the way Thor is forcing their bodies together, revealing, perhaps, a remorse Thor really could only dream his brother might feel. 

“You were all I had left!” Thor nearly shouts, furious, and doesn’t let up. “I needed you by my side. I still need you. Loki,  _ dammit _ .” 

Thor is close, and he wedges an arm between them to take his brother’s cock in hand. Loki gasps at his grasp, fucking into his fist as Thor fucks into him, and as Loki comes, spilling hot over his hand, Thor does, too. He grunts at the force of it, the way it knocks the wind out of him, making his rhythm finally falter, and he thrusts into Loki brokenly as it subsides, filling him up, claiming him as Thor’s own, perhaps one last time. 

The subconscious is an unpredictable, fickle friend.

Thor breathes heavily, in great gasps when he is spent, and he withdraws from Loki’s body slowly, cautious of the ruthless way in which he’s just taken him. Loki sighs as Thor lies down beside him, and wears a barely-tolerant expression when Thor pulls him close. Thor runs hot, and after their exertions, he might as well be one fire. Loki, on the other hand, is cool, refreshing especially now, and Thor will have him however he wishes. He will hold onto him, and this dream, as long as he can.

Loki allows himself to be manhandled into the position of Thor’s choosing, wherein he winds up laying on his back with Thor plastered along his side, keeping him in place with thick thighs and long legs tangled together so he would have to magic himself out of Thor’s grasp. 

They lay together without words for some time, and Thor breathes in the scent of him, willing himself not to forget it. 

“I don’t want to do this without you,” Thor finally admits, his voice barely above a whisper in the small space between them, too small for such an admission. “You’re mine, Loki. As I am yours. We were meant to do this together.” 

Loki turns to him then, first with an expression of such tenderness that Thor almost startles, but it quickly becomes something more familiar, teasing and impish.

“Dear brother, when have you ever truly been rid of me?” Loki takes Thor’s face in his hand, his elegant fingers playing on his skin and grins at him, sincere for all his gaiety, and Thor laughs despite himself. 

Loki twists in his arms and tilts his chin to capture Thor’s mouth in a kiss, gentle and easy and nothing at all like their lovemaking. Thor feels himself melt into it, heavy and exhausted. 

“Sleep now,” Loki purrs against his lips, and Thor is helpless to resist, lulled to sleep by the musical notes of his brother’s voice.

  


\---

  


Sun streams through the open window on the tent’s east side, tickling at Thor’s face and gently rousing him. He groans softly, feeling much recovered from the day before, and rolls away from the light, thinking to stay abed a little longer, and it’s then that he realizes.

There are hands, cool, pressed against his chest, and legs wrapped up with his own. He is wide awake at once, his eyes flying open to look directly into his brother’s face and his beautiful, mischievous grin. 

“I did say the sun would shine on us again, brother,” he says by way of explanation, as if that could possibly be enough. 

“Loki–” Thor is astounded. “I was certain that you died.”   
  
“I really think that I did,” Loki answers, looking thoughtful, and Thor is doubly surprised.     
  
“Then how–? What have you done now?” 

“Truthfully, I do not know,” Loki looks him right in the eye, serious so as to convey an earnestness the like Thor has rarely ever seen from him. “I think… you might have done this.”   
  
Thor barks a laugh. “I don’t believe this.” 

“Believe it or not, you are not rid of me yet,” Loki muses, a sly quirk to his lips, his words reminiscent enough of those he spoke in Thor’s dream that Thor cannot help but wonder. 

“I am still yours, brother,” Loki says, more softly, as though reading his mind, telling him that yes, he was there with him, in the dream.

Thor doesn’t know who to thank, the Allfather perhaps, but he offers his gratitude silently to the universe nonetheless, then rolls atop his brother and looks down at him with a grin to rival Loki’s own.

“As I am yours,” Thor rumbles, and then claims him with a kiss. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. Comments and kudos are love <3


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